I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
