I need to stop coming to work sober
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
