I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
then he tried to convert me to islam
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
