dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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