Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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