Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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