I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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