it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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