He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
