I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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