did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
