The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
