i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
