Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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