Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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