Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's great music for shaving your balls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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