somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
