just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
