My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
