im drinking this country out of the recession.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
worst night to have a conscience
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
