I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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