They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
