so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
