Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
