I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
