Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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