I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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