He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
