Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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