you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
