what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
