You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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