he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
