No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
