you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
