Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
