This is not my ceiling
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
