yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
