You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
