He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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