this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
