I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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