I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
