and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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