She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
