i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
