Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
