she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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