And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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