omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
