I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
