Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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