One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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