Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
