you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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