Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
