So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh god it's open bar.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
