This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
