I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
