What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
