you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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