You're completely useless in the revolution.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
