I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
