I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
