3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
