Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want nice things and good sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
