You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
