NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
