after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
